An Identity To Be Cherished
by cherrydelightz
Summary: Peter plays a prank to try to win Lily's attention and ends up confronted with the most complicated question in his life.


Hi! This is my first Harry Potter fanfic, and I realize it might not be that much of an impressive debut (writing about Peter in your debut fanfic makes me want to cry), but my Valentine's Day fic isn't finished yet, and I wanted to post something. This was started a long time ago, and I'm not sure what I was really trying to do, but I think it's a pretty okay read, and I hope you guys like it!

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter.

_**An Identity To Be Cherished**_

Peter was in love with Lily Evans.

He had known it when she had quietly made her way to the Sorting Hat, red hair behind her, ears a delightful shade of soft pink. She had turned to look at the assembled first-years in the Great Hall, and Lily Evans had given them all a shy sort of smile, a small sort of smile, a beautiful sort of smile. And Peter, a snotty nosed first-year who was extremely happy to have met James Potter on the Hogwarts Express, saw the smile as meant for him.

And then his eyes moved past her lips to meet her eyes.

The effect was maddening. It was as if his heart couldn't breathe, and his lungs couldn't beat. His head was mush, his brain was addled, and all he saw was those delightful green eyes, staring straight at him.

At him.

_At him._

To him, this was a miracle. So, when the Sorting Hat shouted Gryffindor, he was set with a new will, a new strength, to make it to Gryffindor with her.

In second year, they all found out about James' crush on Lily Evans. And Peter had almost killed James right there and then.

Peter Pettigrew was an average boy. He received average marks, he ate average food, he was average at plants, and spells, and kissing, and girls. The first girl he ever tried to ask out was Lucinda Marley, a dark-haired Ravenclaw, in third year. She had smiled at him, as his face hammered red and his voice was barely above a whisper. He was aware of Sirius sniggering into his hand, and he could almost _feel_ Remus's encouraging smile. He knew James' eyes were on the back of his head.

"Hey, L-Lucinda," he stammered.

"Hey, Peter," she had responded. He had racked up for something to say.

"Lucinda-" he had started, but she had cut him off.

"You're James' friend, right?" she had asked, and his world came crashing down.

Peter happened to be an average boy, and the Marauders were anything but average. James with his cleverness, Sirius with his brilliance, and even quiet Remus was very above average to him. To everyone else at Hogwarts, Peter was Peter Pettigrew, James' friend.

And Peter didn't like that one bit.

So when James decided he loved Lily Evans, Peter hated it. He hated that James got to like someone who he had secretly pined for two years someone whose smile always made his heart beat a little faster than it should.

And he hated it in even more when seventh year came around, and suddenly James and Lily were the perfect boyfriend and girlfriend, the dreamy couple.

"Did you hear?" they would whisper in the halls. Lily Evans went out with James Potter. Oh, and speaking of James Potter, he's got this

So, during March of seventh year, Peter Pettigrew, friend of James Potter, decided to pull a prank. And not just a Peter Pettigrew prank, but a James Potter prank, something even better. For one day in his life, he wanted to be known as Peter Pettigrew.

And Peter would not lie. He wanted Lily to notice him a little bit, too. More than anything, he thought she would laugh when her ex-best friend had something truly horrible happened to him, and she'd thank him for doing what he did, and if he was lucky, he'd receive a kiss on the cheek.

So, on a late March night in his seventh year, his bedclothes wrapped tightly around him, he sneaked off to the Great Hall to play the biggest prank on Snivellus Snape yet, and he planned to make it so Snape wouldn't be out of Madam Pomfrey's sight for three days at least. Carefully he made his way to the center of the Great Hall, the darkness eerie for Peter. Peter shivered and loosed around in the darkness, praying a professor wouldn't catch him, most notable Professor Trelawney, because he couldn't bear to be in a room with her in the day, much less than the night.

Peter leafed through his pajamas for the pieces of parchment he had scrawled his plan on. Just a couple charms, and Snape would be flying through the Great Hall as soon as he sat down for breakfast tomorrow morning.

Preferably crashing into the wall.

More preferably crashing into Lily, so he could jump to defend her.

Peter rubbed his hands together and got to work.

"Wow," Peter muttered aloud, several hours later. Creating a prank without James, Sirius, and Remus was probably one of the hardest things that he had done in his life. He blew his wand off and stuffed it into his shirt pocket. He looked around the Great Hall and turned his face up to the sky.

"I love you, Lily."

It was the first time he had actually acknowledged it aloud, and it felt good to say it, even in this eerily quiet Great Hall, with only those bewitched stars winking back at him.

Peter turned and headed to the common room, in aching need for tomorrow to come.

Tomorrow came, as it usually did, with Sirius jumping on Remus' chest, and Remus cursing like his life depended on it. Sirius had somehow decided that it was his goal in life to make Remus curse like the devil was after him every morning.

On normal mornings, he would've cursed too, and very colorfully, and tell them to stop fighting. This morning, he was trembling with anticipation, and didn't said only a few curses, if just to keep his pretense.

No more would he be Peter Pettigrew, James' friend, but Peter Pettigrew, Marauder, and an above-average one at that.

And maybe, just maybe, Peter Pettigrew, Lily's boyfriend.

Sirius poured himself some porridge, already eating like a hungry hyena. James was lagging, chatting it up with Lily, with a stolen kiss on her nose every now and then. Remus, sitting next to Peter, looked worriedly at him.

"You okay, mate? You're trembling," Remus said. Peter gave a big grin.

"I'm fine," he said, as he has just watched Severus Snape come into the room and sit down slowly.

This was it!

This was it!

And Severus Snape sat down.

And nothing happened.

Peter's face fell. What? He had botched up the spell! All those hours of hard work, and nothing. Nothing! There was Snape, chatting amiably, not flying through the Great hall like a puppet.

Peter was only too aware of Lily approaching, and sitting next to Sirius, and Sirius picking up his spoon to fake flirt with her.

And he was all too aware of James sitting down.

And the explosion.

If you had asked Peter later, the events, though lasting the matter of a few seconds, had been dragged into horrible slow motion. He had seen Lily's face, laughing from Sirius' fake flirtations, drop to something like horror as James was lifted from his seat. Sirius turned around, and to Peter's slow-motion eyes, his smile dropped, his eyes growing wider, the spoon falling on the table with a clang. He could feel the shift as Remus stood up next to him, and he heard the screams and shouts from the adoring fans of the Head Boy.

And he saw James Potter.

James was flying backwards, not even having a second to register what was happening before his elbow scraped against the floor and his head cracked on the edge of the Hufflepuff table. Peter felt horribly sick as students, fans, and teachers rushed over to the Head Boy and the famous Marauder. Peter was numb. So he did the only thing he could.

He looked at Lily.

She was almost frozen in shock, her mouth partly open, and her eyes looking at James. Her green eyes, which Peter had adored, seemed to have dulled. Peter watched as she stood up and began rushing over with the throngs of students, hell bent on reaching James, and Peter barely registered his own legs running after her.

The students made a carefully parted throng for the last marauder to come rushing over her, and Lily Evans.

James, who was bleeding from his nose, where his other elbow had hit it, and his head bleeding onto Remus' robes, looked at Lily and grinned.

"Hey, Lily. Never thought the Master Pranker would get pranked himself, huh?" And James laughed. Lily didn't look sad, in fact she looked _pissed._ All hopes of Lily kissing James to make him feel better dashed from everyone's minds.

And then Lily Evans did a miraculous thing.

She _slapped_ him. Lily slapped James Potter, who was bleeding profusely from both his head and nose, and then was shrieking like a banshee at him.

"You _idiot!_ You're, you're – I don't even know what you are! Here you are, _laughing_ that you currently are bleeding on Remus' robes during breakfast, and, and – who the hell did this?" she spluttered. She rounded on everyone else on the Great Hall, and then focused on the sniggering Slytherins.

"Oh, I wouldn't snigger If I were you!" and some of them shut up, because nothing, not even a shrieking banshee, was worse than a pissed off Lily Evans. Evan Rosier, and some Slytherin third years were still snickering behind their hands. Then, before anyone knew what was happening, so quickly that even the professors couldn't stop it, Lily pulled out her wand.

"_Petrificus Totalus!" _she cried, and Rosier, the first third year, and the second, dropped from the table from the full Body-Bind curse.

Professor McGonagall looked as if You-Know-Who himself had just decided to show up at breakfast. Her face was paling, and she looked carefully at Lily. Lily held up her hand when she tried to talk.

"No need, professor. Thirty points for Gryffindor, ten apiece. And detention for this week." She tapped her chin with her wand.

"Actually, professor, better make that forty points from Gryffindor." She turned quickly, and Peter had a sickening moment of realization as he pointed the wand at James, and his body fell softly as the Body-Bind took him, too.

The realization floated into his head and heart, and he wanted to cry.

Lily Evans loved James Potter.

And that was that.

Peter felt remarkably happy. The Realization had almost kicked him in the stomach, yet he felt lightweight. Like he was flying.

Peter loved Lily, yet no matter what, Lily loved James. And nothing he did would ever change that. Only if you loved someone with an amazing amount of passion could you slap them when they were down.

In that case, Sirius and Remus ought to be shagging right about now.

Peter smiled as Lily levitated James' limp form and told Professor McGonagall, who was still spluttering, that she was taking James to the Hospital Wing.

Sirius and Remus came up next to Peter.

"Horrible prank, really. It's going too far. It would've been horrible, you know, even if it happened to Sniv- Snape." Sirius muttered. They all knew what Sirius was thinking about; he was off in the horrible two months that had progressed after The Prank, and then Peter knew it was a particularly horrible prank to pull.

History of Magic, their first lesson, seemed to take even longer to pass by. They all couldn't wait until lunch, which _of course_ they would skip to go and meet James in the Hospital Wing. Remus idly scratched his chin with his quill.

Peter noticed Lily wasn't there.

Lily finally did appear during Potions, their last class before lunch. They were to be partnered off to make a potion, and Remus was already with Sirius, because Remus and Peter together in Potions would have been a monstrosity. Remus was pants at Potions, and even Peter was better than it than him, and Peter was pants at it, too.

Lily came over and took the seat next to him, looking very pissed and very dangerous.

"Did you know, peter, that the stupid buggering idiot had the sense to tell me I was shrieking like a banshee?" That was how Lily started her ranting. At one point, Peter would have vehemently denied anything related closely to that, but now he knew what he had to do.

"No offense, Lily, but you were kind of worse than a banshee." Lily glared at him, then her green eyes softened.

"Yeah, guess I overreacted a little," she said, and rolled her eyes, all dangerous glints gone from her eyes.

Potions passed by in a blur, and Peter found himself in the corridor with Sirius and Remus, already hurrying off to the Hospital Wing.

"Hey, guys!" Sirius turned around so quickly, Peter crashed very unceremoniously into him.

Lucinda Marley came over to them and smiled softly, her dark hair in front of her face. She turned to Peter and smiled, beginning with those same damn four words.

"You're James' friend, right? Hey, could you tell James my friends and I hope he's okay? Thanks." She smiled again and walked off, leaving Peter alone, as Sirius and Remus had rushed down the hall. They couldn't have remembered about that humiliating day with Lucinda Marley in third year.

When Peter got into the Hospital Wing, it was to see Remus and Sirius arguing with a very harried-looking woman.

"Who are you?" Peter asked as he approached. The woman sniffed daintily.

"I'm Madame Morrison, and I'm filling in for Madame Pomfrey today. She had to go visit an uncle." She tossed her short blond hair behind her.

"I'm sorry, boys, but I can't let you in. I don't care if you're Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, you're _not_ allowed to see my patient."

She turned to Peter, blue eyes glinting.

"And who are you?"

The question was so simple, yet it held a thousand answers, and Peter realized his whole life, it wasn't about Lily, or love, or James, or pranks. It was about this one simple question, on which he never had a proper answer ready. A thousand letters flitted through his head, and he saw his whole life in front of him, the same question being asked over and over and over, in a thousand different ways, a thousand different times. _Who are you, dear? Excuse me, who are you? Sorry, I didn't catch that last bit, who are you? And who have we here? And who are you?_

And who was he?

So he answered in the way the answer felt right. It left his tongue with ease and simplicity, and when the woman smiled, he knew that finally, he had given the right answer.

"I'm James' friend." He said confidently.

She let him in.

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